My mental health/mental illness journey-Natasha Elizabeth

 

Hi, this is Natasha writing and publishing articles in this blog. I want to tell you about my mental health/mental illness journey. Please sit tight because this is going to be quite a long story.

Basic Info and background

I am currently 26 years old single and living in Indonesia. I have paranoid schizophrenia coming up for almost 10 years (next year will be my 10th year of having paranoid schizophrenia)

How it started…

My story started back then when I was in the 3rd grade of vocational school. But actually, even before that, I have experienced the symptoms. It was discovered when I was in my last year of school. I remember my parents brought me to this hospital and told me to meet a psychiatrist. At first, I thought nothing was wrong with me as I didn’t really feel sick at all.

So I met with this psychiatrist or doctor and she diagnosed me as a paranoid schizophrenia patient almost immediately since my symptoms have been quite obvious.

Is it hard to accept at first?

Yep, quite hard. Especially back then there were so many things happening in my life such as a final exam, entering university, and recognizing myself as a mentally ill patient. I went through many emotional journeys and experienced panic attacks and anxiety attacks.

It took me years to finally accept myself and my illness and every person with mental illness experiences it too. It’s hard to accept the facts at first but there will be a time that finally you can accept yourself.

When was your darkest time?

My Darkest time is probably in my 2nd year at university. It took a huge blow. My best friend since middle school and I got into a conflict and I was in a deep depression phase where I just cried and didn’t want to communicate to others.

That’s really but somehow because of my support systems and of course, Jesus allow me to move on from this phase. I even went to inpatient in the hospital where I was admitted before. Yep quite hard.

Why did you decide to speak out and let your story out?

There are many reasons to do this but the main reason is I want to be able to express and talk about mental illness and mental health freely as a paranoid schizophrenia patient. Because many of the articles I saw online are usually by the medical term I wanted to share my experience and how I overcame my dark past especially now when I already accept myself and my illness.

There is a verse in the bible in which Paul says that your weakness can also become your strength as long as God is with you. I wanted to speak out and prove that this verse is right so I won't stop speaking out.

Why do you choose writing as your medium to speak out?

Since I was little I always loved writing I was bullied at school not because I discovered my mental illness back then but because my physical appearance is different from most students or maybe most people in Indonesia.

Writing is kind of my runaway thing. I started writing fiction stories because I want to create a world where I can be happy, a world that’s really different from my reality.

Time went by and I fell deeply passionate about writing then I decided to learn and write articles too like I do in this blog.

What did you learn during this journey?

I learned many things and I’m still learning.  Some of them like social media, self-care, and a to-do list I already published in a separate article in this blog. The best thing that I learn is about accepting that my mental illness has been a part of my life and I have to make this ‘weakness’ to be my strength. I find that accepting yourself is a need for many people with mental illness because in Indonesia people usually mock and reject you because of your mental illness. It’s okay I experienced that too.

If you guys want to hear the complete stories or many Indonesians wanted it in Indonesian I did a podcast with my friend on Spotify. You can check it here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1v5hHR25UIhxsdWxviODw9

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