Letters to Myself #5 Dear Younger Me, Who Thought You Had to Have It All Figured Out

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 To: Shen Yueran age 25 

Dear Younger me, 

I know you keep asking yourself if you’re doing your life correctly. I wish I could tell you that there isn’t a correct.

Maybe, you already a vice director of Shen Group but still you feel quite disappointed in yourself. 

You wanted to know what your life will look like. 

I know there are many unanswered questions like 

Who would leave you?

Who would stay with you?

Will you be successful?

Will you be happy?

I know that every unanswered questions feels like a problem you need to solve and once you solved it, you will finally feel safe. 

You thought everyone else know what they were doing. 

Chengshi your school friend got married. 

You heard Li Mei your uni friend moved to shanghai. 

Even your bestfriend, Bai Xinyi seemed to be completely confident about her future. 

You’re probably asking Why don’t I know what I’m doing yet?

You’re stuck in the lab and in your office people said you’re a princess, princess Shen but you don’t feel like it. 

Then the dreaded day in the office came right?

When you make decisions that cost Shen group millions of Yuan? 

You overthink your decisions cause you’re afraid that you took the opportunity. 

Then you got scolded by baba. 

You’ve done well younger me, at least you tried right!

If I can hug you, I will. 

Some mistakes cost you but from then on can help you to make better decisions. 

Some people will disappoint you! You also know that right when your parents keeping this secret from you for the past 25 years!

But that doesn’t mean that moments means that you’re a failure!

You’ll learn from many mistakes and you’ll outgrow others. 

Younger me, you don’t have to become someone else’s definition of success. 

Your life can even turn upside down but it still be a meaningful life. 

You don’t have to live according to someone else’s timeline and just focus on your way. 

This will sound childish or silly but I also want to tell you that you’re allowed to change your mind. 

You’re allowed to change your friendship, definition of happiness, and your priorities. Even if you fail, you can begin again. 

Younger me, I know you’re worried because of all those uncertainties. Trust me! In a few years you will be able to become a different version than you are now. 

You’ll be someone that know how to say no. 

You’ll be someone who will know when to stay and when to leave.

You’ll be someone who will stop comparing her timeline.

You will be someone who will make mistakes without believing she is ruined.

You will be someone who will understand you self better.

You don’t need to meet that person today.

You only need to keep going.

Younger me, you weren’t falling and you definitely didn’t do your life wrong. You were learning. 

If I could tell you one thing: I hope you start treating your uncertainty like proof that you’re doing something wrong! 

Yue-er you don’t need to know where every road leads. 

Just take the next step then another. 

Let life teach you things you couldn't have understood before living them.

So, younger me, stop worrying so much about who you're supposed to become. You don't have to have it all figured out. Keep learning. Keep changing. Keep choosing what feels true to you. One day, you'll look back and realize you weren't lost after all. You were becoming.

From Madam Lu, Shen Yueran age 28