My Testimony, How my biggest test become my testimony

 

It's hard at first and I experience it too. I went through hard times back then as I discovered my mental illness at the age of 17 years old and a final-year student. I already shared about accepting yourself in mental illness and now, I want to share how I decided to change my mindset from mentally ill to special.

When I first got diagnosed, I was so depressed and I kept on hearing voices in my head especially every time I passed by or had to be with people it’s really hard. Especially being paranoid and always caring what people thought of me.

 I went through my darkest time in my second year of University. Something happened! Yeah, my best friend and I cut ties. There is a problem and we fight a lot then I ended up cutting ties with her. It hurt me really bad when my family sent me to a mental hospital for one week to recover and I still didn’t recover. I ended up missing that semester and wasting money.

There's a saying that your greatest test will be your greatest testimony. I still remember clearly the day that changed my life forever at the Emergency care unit I was trying to suicide and I was unconscious the whole time my family even thought that they’d lose me forever. Suddenly, I saw myself crying and sitting in a white room then I saw a man try to wake me up before I gathered my consciousness, I heard a voice saying my daughter I love you three times then I woke up.

After I woke up, I felt like it was Jesus the one who met me and I cry.

That meeting changed my whole life. I started to pay attention to my studies and try to do my best at everything. Starts to really study the bible and listen to preachers on youtube. Like I found the new me!  Ended up graduating at 24 with a GPA of 3.

The people around me were just really surprised especially after knowing my progress. Slowly but surely, I start to accept myself and change my mindset.

I started off seeing myself as special not mentally ill. God has a plan for my life and my paranoid schizophrenia is the way to say that I’m special.

Think about there are millions of people in this world but few have a mental illness. Is not because you’re weird don’t believe what the bully and the voices said! It’s because you’re special. You are a few of millions of people who have to fight yourself every day. It also means that you’re strong enough to fight this and God Knows.

I just want to let you know that 10 years already passed and to be honest, I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to recover, work and maybe get married but one thing I’m sure as long as Jesus is with me, I can conquer everything. I am still trying tough! To be my best still trying and I’ll keep on trying and fighting because I know that I’m more than a winner!


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