Healing in Progress #5 — Becoming Softer with Yourself
Lucas Tan is having a difficult day. Ever since becoming the CEO of Tan Holdings, he has tried to control everything — his company, his image, even his relationship with Serena Tan, his fiancée.
But one small mistake shatters his sense of control.
“I can’t even control myself.”
That moment forces him to face a painful truth: he has been harsher toward himself than anyone else ever could be.
If you’ve ever pushed yourself to exhaustion, chased perfection, or felt like you were never enough, Lucas’s journey may feel familiar.
This is a story about self-compassion, emotional healing, and learning to soften without losing strength.
Why We Learn to Be Hard on Ourselves
Many people believe self-criticism drives success. Lucas is no exception.
Believing self-criticism leads to improvement
Lucas grew up thinking pressure equals progress. The harsher he is on himself, the more successful he believes he will become.
Fear that kindness equals weakness
At work, Lucas often raises his voice at employees. He believes authority requires toughness — that kindness risks failure.
Growing up with high expectations
Lucas was raised under intense pressure. As the heir to Tan Holdings, he was expected to excel at everything. Comparison became his motivation — and his burden.
Internalizing judgment from others
Public appearances with Serena draw constant attention. Lucas fears those watching eyes measure his worth and his relationship.
Equating worth with performance
Each month, Lucas judges himself based on company rankings. Success means relief. Anything less triggers frustration and self-blame.
What Harsh Self-Treatment Looks Like
Self-hardness often hides behind ambition and responsibility.
Minimizing personal struggles
When Serena asks if he’s okay while planning their wedding, Lucas answers automatically: “I’m fine.”
Ignoring emotional needs
Lucas constantly pushes forward, believing emotions are distractions rather than signals.
Perfectionism and constant pressure
He monitors performance relentlessly. Praise is rare. Rest feels undeserved.
Difficulty celebrating progress
When Tan Holdings ranks second among major companies in Singapore — just below Lim group led by Sebastian Lim — everyone celebrates. Lucas remains silent.
Feeling undeserving of rest
Even exhaustion feels like failure. Even success feels incomplete.
The Emotional Cost of Being Hard on Yourself
Self-criticism may seem motivating, but it carries real emotional consequences.
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Chronic guilt and exhaustion
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Anxiety about making mistakes
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Loss of self-trust
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Feeling never “enough”
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Healing slowed by constant self-judgment
Lucas begins to see the cost clearly when his mother reminds him: relationships require compassion, not control. If he wants to keep Serena, he must change how he treats himself — and others.
What Becoming Softer Actually Means
Self-compassion is not weakness. It is emotional strength in action.
Speaking to yourself with patience
When results fall short, Lucas begins telling himself: “Everyone fails. Everyone can rise again.”
Allowing mistakes without punishment
Instead of anger when something goes wrong, he practices understanding.
Letting progress be imperfect
Lucas reassures Serena during wedding stress instead of demanding perfection.
Responding to pain with care
When an employee’s child is hospitalized, Lucas tells him to go home. Work can wait. People cannot.
Treating yourself as you would treat someone you love
Nightly reflection helps Lucas accept imperfection as part of growth.
Small Practices of Self-Gentleness
Healing happens through small, consistent actions.
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Pause before judging yourself
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Reframe negative thoughts
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Allow rest without guilt
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Acknowledge effort, not just results
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Offer understanding in difficult moments
Lucas begins celebrating team effort, supporting Serena emotionally, and permitting himself to rest.
Growth That Comes From Softness
Softness does not reduce strength — it transforms it.
Increased emotional resilience
When plans fail, Lucas adapts instead of spiraling.
Greater inner calm
He responds to conflict with patience rather than control.
Healthier relationships
He reconnects with friends like Ethan Wong and builds deeper trust with Serena.
Stronger self-trust
Lucas learns he can face uncertainty without self-punishment.
Sustainable healing
On his honeymoon in Hawaii, Lucas finally allows himself to rest — not because he earned it, but because he is human.
If This Story Resonates With You
You are allowed to be human.
You deserve the same compassion you give others.
Rest is not failure.
Healing is not weakness.
Healing isn’t about pushing yourself harder.
It’s about learning to hold yourself with care.
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