Healing in Progress #4 — Choosing Yourself Without Apologizing
Choosing yourself can feel uncomfortable — especially when you’ve spent your life prioritizing everyone else.
Jade knows this too well.
As a celebrity and member of Vela, she’s used to saying “yes” even when she means “no.” When Serena arrives late for a radio show, Jade adjusts. When Alyssa suggests choosing the cheaper friend package at lunch, Jade agrees. When conflict arises, she stays silent.
For years, harmony mattered more than honesty.
In her previous group, Neon8, arguments were common. Jade would side with whoever seemed strongest, believing that agreement kept the peace. Over time, self-sacrifice became automatic. Even now, when asked to accept a solo radio appearance, her answer is instant:
“Of course.”
But inside, something feels off.
Why Choosing Yourself Feels Wrong
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish — but it can feel that way when you’ve been conditioned otherwise.
1. Learned Belief: “Good People Don’t Inconvenience Others”
Jade was raised to be the “good girl.” From a young age, she learned not to burden her family. Her sacrifices kept the household peaceful. She believed love was earned through obedience.
2. Fear of Disappointing Others
When Serena and Alyssa argue, Jade refuses to take sides. She’s afraid of disappointing one — or worse, both. Silence feels safer than honesty.
3. Confusing Self-Respect with Selfishness
Jade rarely chooses the lunch menu. She never insists on her preferences. Deep down, she sometimes judges others for being “selfish,” not realizing they’re simply practicing self-respect.
4. Cultural and Professional Conditioning
Training as an idol since age 12, Jade learned that success requires endurance. She stayed quiet when scolded by her vocal teacher. She accepted every schedule. Obedience became survival.
5. Guilt When Setting Boundaries
Even practicing her solo song alone feels wrong. Her teammates are busy with solo schedules, and Jade feels guilty for having time to herself — so guilty that she doesn’t even let them hear her song.
The Emotional Conflict of Setting Boundaries
Choosing yourself triggers emotional tension.
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“Am I being selfish?”
Jade wonders if keeping her solo song private is wrong. She doesn’t even share it with her fiancé, Ethan. -
Anxiety After Saying No
When Alyssa invites her over, Jade declines to prepare for her wedding — yet guilt lingers. -
Overexplaining Decisions
While dividing song parts, she explains endlessly why she wants certain notes. Serena finally says, “Okay, I get it.” -
Apologizing for Personal Needs
When her wedding planner calls, she says, “Sorry,” as if tending to her own life is an inconvenience. -
Feeling Torn Between Peace and Approval
During arguments, she stays quiet again — torn between maintaining peace and seeking validation.
Jade feels exhausted.
“They argue again?” Ethan asks.
She nods.
“Baby, if you don’t choose yourself, no one will.”
He hugs her. And for the first time, she considers that maybe choosing herself isn’t betrayal — it’s growth.
What Choosing Yourself Actually Looks Like
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It begins with small, brave steps.
1. Setting Small Boundaries
Jade tells her members to resolve arguments calmly instead of escalating them.
2. Saying No Without Overexplaining
When offered a photoshoot one day before her wedding, she simply declines. No lengthy justification.
3. Prioritizing Rest
She informs her manager and members that she needs regular rest. Rest becomes an act of self-love, not laziness.
4. Walking Away from Draining Environments
When Neon8 invites her to a reunion, she reflects on the pressure and emotional strain she endured. She chooses not to go.
5. Making Value-Aligned Decisions
During another argument about song parts, Jade steps in:
“Ally’s voice suits this part better. Serena’s powerful alto fits here. I’ll take the remaining.”
For the first time, she leads with clarity — not fear.
Unlearning the Guilt
Healing requires dismantling old beliefs.
Accepting That Discomfort Doesn’t Mean You’re Wrong
Her discomfort around Neon8 isn’t cruelty — it’s self-protection.
Understanding Others’ Disappointment Is Not Your Failure
When Vanessa comments on the bridesmaid dress, Jade responds firmly:
“It’s mine and Ethan’s wedding.”
That’s not selfish. That’s ownership.
Recognizing That Boundaries Protect Relationships
One week before the wedding, Jade tells Ethan she’s too tired to meet.
“Okay. Rest well,” he says.
Healthy love respects limits.
Reframing Self-Prioritization as Emotional Maturity
When Vela looks exhausted, Jade suggests a spa day. Alyssa willingly passes her the leadership baton. Jade’s growth benefits everyone.
Growth in Action
Choosing yourself doesn’t isolate you — it strengthens your relationships.
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Jade shows up more authentically as Vela’s leader.
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She feels lighter, less resentful.
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Her friendships deepen.
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She respects her own limits — even after marriage.
“Not tonight, babe. I’m exhausted,” she tells Ethan.
“Okay.”
No guilt. No apology.
The Truth About Choosing Yourself
Jade learned something powerful:
You don’t have to shrink to be loved.
The people who truly care about you will stay — not because you sacrifice yourself, but because you show up honestly.
Choosing yourself is an act of courage.
Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect.
Healing begins when you stop apologizing for who you are.
If Jade’s story resonates with you, maybe you’re in that stage too.
And if you are — be proud.
Growth starts the moment you choose yourself.
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