The Life I’m Learning to Choose #3 — What Do I Actually Want?

 

For Noah life seems perfect, he has a production house to inherit bunch of works, endless wealth, and engagement to actress Maddison Blake. Many times, he didn’t ask one important thing: What do I want?

 

Awareness — “I Don’t Have an Answer”

He and Maddie go to the wedding planner. “Babe, madam Harvey asks what do you prefer,” said Maddie. “I’ll pick the metallic blue seems more manly “replied Noah just go what his dad said last night. That moment, he realized that he didn’t have and answer about what he really wants not because there is no option but because he didn’t really ask.

 

Connection to the Past — “I Learned to Focus on What Was Needed, Not Wanted”

Noah life used to be focused on what needed not he wanted. Working with so many people in Hollywood, intergrating scrips, directions and even future buisniess projects makes him used to focus on what was needed not wanted. Noah used to a life that focus on what he should do not what he wanted. At some point like joining Matchlove he still doesn’t think wanting is a priority eventough he beat three other guys for Maddie.

 

Conflict — “Everything Feels Blurry”

After the show ends, Noah feels it hard to differentiate between what he wants, what he used to and what the other people expects. This creates a dilemma. Like today when choosing flavor of their wedding cake. Noah wanted chocolate but Maddie loves pink Champagne. “I want the chocolate one” even when Noah said that, he feels that he will upset many people.

 

 Subtle Fear — “What If I Want the Wrong Things?”

Flash forward today is Noah and Maddie’s rehearsal dinner. Everything seems perfect. When the guests taste the cake with chocolate, Noah freeze. He thinks again what if everyone hates the cake he chooses, what if there is fight going on the rehearsal dinner and what if that can change directions. Thankfully the dinner went smoothly.

 

Realization — “Maybe I Was Never Taught to Want”

After the rehearsal dinner, Noah went back to his and Maddie’s apartment. “Babe that all went well why are you upset like this? “ask Maddie. Noah looks at his fiancée he used to adapt, survive and please other people but he never once listen to himself.

Turning Point — “Maybe I Can Start Small”

“I don’t know babe I’m so used to adapt, survive and please other people to the point that I didn’t even listen to myself, “said Noah. Maddie’s gaze softens. She tells him that it’s okay that he didn’t really know the reasons now and he can start from small things. From then on, Noah progresses he focus on small things he wants and things that makes him want to do it again. Like having a new hobby in building legos when he is stressed.

 

Process — “Learning My Own Voice”

Their wedding date is approaching. Noah slowly learns to differentiate voices of fear, habit, expectations and his own desires. He started not to think too much about what the people said about him and Maddie’s relationship.

 

Acceptance — “It’s Okay That I Don’t Fully Know Yet”

D-day finally arrives Noah and Maddie held a press conference after their wedding. Many of the questions especially about the future that Noah didn’t really has answer for, He know that he’s not behind he’s just beginning. 

Did Noah’s story resonate with you? Wanting something that missing but actually that’s something that you just getting used to.

Its okay to tell yourself: “Maybe I don’t have a clear answer yet.
Maybe I won’t, for a while.
But for the first time, I’m asking the question.
And maybe… that’s where it begins.”